Imagine you’re blindfolded. Your world is void of sight. The light sound of footsteps leads to the side of the bed where you’re lying face down. Then, the strike of a match lights and sizzles its breath into the air—or perhaps the flick of a lighter whose thud is paired with a grinding of flint as gas meets sparks. A wisp of smoke passes your nostrils and you breath it in deeply. Now you wait. You wait for the heat of a single droplet of wax to find a hollow to bury itself into your back. You anticipate with bated breath.

Or maybe… you’re the one holding the candle…

Wielding the ability to cause pain, whether perceived or real, is the crux of the temperature play power dynamic. If you’re holding the candle, you are also the one carrying the responsibility of safety and total control over the situation. If your partner is bound or blindfolded (which I highly suggest), then it is your job to listen carefully—to them, to your own instincts, and to this how-to blog:

Preparation:

Candle choice is important. Please, for the sake of yourself and your sub, do not use a scented candle, or a candle with a wide mouth jar. Unless the candle is explicitly made for play (you can find these at play stores or online), these candles are made only for visual and olfactory pleasure. If you still want to play with a scented candle, you can light one in the room before play, and have it burning while you use unscented candles on the skin.

There are three candle types that I suggest: tapered, pillar, and votive. We’ll talk more about the differences later in this guide.

There are only two types of wax that should be used on human skin, regardless of “pain tolerance.” Pain tolerance is not temperature tolerance. Paraffin and soy wax burn between 110ºf and 130ºf, or 43.3ºC to 54.4ºC. This is the perfect temperature for the skin to feel the heat, without being overwhelmed. The difference is like walking around the Sahara desert for a while versus sticking your hand in an oven (which you shouldn’t do because it’s too hot). The oven in question? Beeswax. Beeswax burns at 150ºf to 170ºf and will scar or leave painful marks for days. Unless the collective goal is to leave marks, it’s best to avoid beeswax.

Other questions to ask your partner before Wax Play:

1. Do you have fragrance sensitivities?

2. Do you have dye sensitivities?

3. Do you have heat sensitivities?

Next, you’ll want to shave the area you want to drip on yourself or your partner. You can even sensually work this into play by setting a bowl of water aside and lathering up the shaving cream in hand before massaging in the cream and removing the hair for them—especially in hard-to-reach areas like their back, butt cheeks, or the back of the thighs. This ensures that you’re not pulling out hairs after playtime is over.

Keep a bowl of cold water with a washcloth next to you at all times. If anything is too hot or painful, you can always use a damp towel to cool the area quickly. If you have a fire extinguisher, that would likely be helpful as well—we are playing with fire after all.

Always remember that drugs and alcohol can tamper with your brain's receptors, making some people much more averse to pain, and others more pain tolerant. Neither are particularly good for Wax Play because you can definitely hurt yourself or your partner.

Playtime:

Old sheets make for a quick and easy cleanup, but there are options below for cleaning if you can’t find any. You can also lay down a towel or have your partner lying on leather, hardwood, or tile flooring for something a little different.

Some people like to put a layer of oil between the dripping wax and the bottom’s naked skin. This makes the removal of dried wax much easier. In my experience, I have found that oil gets too hot when wax is dripped on it. I have had bottoms complain about oil burning their skin and causing marks, so I generally do not do this.

Tapered candles, like the ones you may see displayed as a centerpiece on your dinner table, allow for a steady stream of drips and drops. It means not having to wait for your candle to pool before you can start. If anything ever happens, you can always blow out the candle and set it down. Pillar candles and votive candles are almost the same, except that votive candles are surrounded by glass that retains heat. This will be important to your experience, as the one holding the glass, and by the person you’re dripping wax on, as the wax may be slightly hotter than their non-glass counterparts. Pillar and votive candles allow for larger pools of wax to drip onto the area of focus. The wax will be hot for longer, and the pools are ripe for peeling off.

Before dripping the wax on your partner, test the heat of the wax by dripping some on your forearm, away from any hair. Try this from 6 inches, then again from 12 inches. If it feels too hot, try from farther away. The farther you drip, the cooler the wax will be when it hits the skin. Ask your partner how it feels as you’re going. Drips are going to be much cooler than pools of wax, and don’t retain heat for quite as long. If your partner needs you to slow down, or move to a new area, listen to them.

A good place to start is on your partner's back. This has the highest pain tolerance out of your body parts, and therefore will likely induce the most pleasure. Another suggestion is to light two candles, so while you’re pouring one candle out, you can pool wax in another candle. A little waiting can be fun, but too much might break the mood.

If you have an old brush or one you don’t care about, you can dip the brush in wax, and paint different sections of the skin. This will be cooler than straight from the candle, so feel free to experiment a little more freely with the sections of your body.

Another fun option is a paraffin bath, which is not to be switched out with a crockpot, but it does a very similar job without overheating your hands. You may have seen these at your local spa as a hand treatment option. Machines are available online, and you can dip your whole hand in them, giving you more options to play.

One of my favorite ways to incorporate wax play into a bigger sensation scene is to alternate temperatures. Set aside a small bowl of ice or ice water to drip between wax drips.

The ways in which you can get creative with wax play are endless. I’ve combined wax play with predicament bondage, knife play, scratching, humiliation and CBT. My most memorable wax play moment was when I turned a bottom into a human candelabra using plastic clothespins, rubber bands, and mini tapered candles.

Wax removal as a part of playtime is optional. The most relaxing and safest way to remove cooled wax is to either use your fingers or take a butter knife and slowly pick off the wax. Another option is to use an old damp face towel with warm water and rub the area down. Wax removal can also be used in a scene as a way to inflict more fear or pain. I love scratching it off or ripping it aggressively out of hairy areas. What can I say, wax really brings out my sadistic side. As a form of fear play, I will carefully carve into thickly poured areas of wax or carefully pick off the wax with a sharp object such as a knife or Wartenberg wheel. I do not suggest you try that at home, especially if you are a beginner. Try not to shower until most of the wax is gone, otherwise, it will get stuck in your pipes—and nobody wants that.

Always remember to check in with your partner after a scene. Ask, “How are you feeling?”. Give them a compliment. Offer a hug! For most people, aftercare is a crucial part of a fulfilling BDSM experience.

Clean up:

Wax on silk: spray WD-40 onto the stain, add a few drops of dish soap, and massage into the fabric. Wash out with hot water, and wash as normal in a washing machine.

Wax on cotton: freeze your sheets and peel off the wax. Anything remaining you can get out using a hot iron over a paper towel on the affected area.

Wax on polyester: wash using all-fabric bleach.

Cowritten by Mistress Neena De Ville and David James McDonald

Wax Play at Home